Fast Five (AKA – “The Rock Heads to Brazil in Search of More Arm Butter” – Adam Carolla)

A Review by Greg Merritt

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 78%


Five Fast & Furious movies in five days; and I’m still here. Coincidentally I got a lot of work done to my car. I didn’t paint it neon green and install ground effects or anything, just tires, brakes, AND NOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAH, who wants some!?!  

I really do feel a little victorious though; I know I got over the hump and these movies are getting very entertaining (especially after downing a 12-pack of shitty Mexican beer).

I can definitely say that Fast Five was the best so far, beating out number 4 thanks to (a) the fact that it didn’t have the unfair advantage of following a putrid rotten turd of a movie (Tokyo Drift) and (b) The Rock was a damn good addition. I don’t think Fast 5 will be on his tombstone, but he did a great job playing P-Dubs’ character (but bigger, half-blacker, stronger, able to form multiple words into full sentences; etc…). This one just seemed a lot more entertaining all around. Did it hit that all too familiar theme of lazy & recycled material? Absolutely; and then some! This movie had plenty of moments when I was just waiting for George Clooney, Julia Roberts, the small Asian acrobat, and Brad Pitt eating shrimp to show up on set. The Asian acrobat guy actually did show up (Sung Kang) but then the movie got off Oceans 11’s nuts long enough to fire out a strong second half.

I still thought Ludacris was a good actor for a rapper. Bow Wow wasn’t asked back as part of this elite team for a reason.  Then there was Tyrese, who was terrible at playing a black guy once again. Surprisingly, everyone else put on a decent show. They gave Vin Diesel a few more lines that he didn’t gurgle & choke on and even P-Dubs wasn’t all that terrible. The Rock even mentioned something about him being a God-awful LAPD officer; which I’ve been waiting to hear since the first film.

The story/plot was again, completely unbelievable and 85% taken from other movies. But like I said previously- that doesn’t have any effect on me anymore. My judgment on what can or can’t happen in real life went out the window two movies ago. When The Rock just decides to go with the other side and throw away his badge; start blasting every cop he sees in the head- okay. I’m cool with that. I think in the acting world that’s called “range.” Who cares, it made for a decent movie. I agree with here and I will award this fine flick 8 out of 10 Vin Diesel Heads. Don’t disappoint me in IMAX, VD.