Fast & Furious (AKA – The Same Title as the First One b/c the Target Demo Can’t Read Anyway)

A Review by Greg Merritt

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 27% (!!!?)


Fast & Furious has been criticized for being too much like the first one. Besides having the same actors, essentially the same plot, and the exact same title; I beg to differ. Before I get into this review, bear in mind that this is my fourth Fast & Furious movie in four days; so my rational thinking has been paralyzed and the pleasure center of my brain killed itself halfway into Tokyo Drift (#3). That being said, I freakin’ loved this movie! Usually I wait until the end to share my thoughts on the Rotten Tomato meter but 27%? That’s lunacy! What were these critics expecting?? This was directed by the same guy that did that abortion of a movie Tokyo Drift; and frankly it turned out really well. I couldn’t disagree with that rating more.

This film brings back all the old favorites and even kills off one of the not-so-favorites. That’s a recipe for success right off the bat. They brought back the Simple Giant Vin Diesel and his off & on bumbling idiot buddy that’s always smiling for no reason Paul Walker; along with JordanaBrewster & Michelle Rodriguez from the first installment. Casting Jordana Brewster as VD’s sister was a pretty good move because it’s impossible to tell what race either one of them are. If they put a freckled red headed chick in the role of little sis, it would be super confusing; especially to the audience that runs out to see these movies. If I had time I would look up the ethnicity of VD’s parents, but I’m just going to stick with my theory that he’s his own super-race: Vin Diesel-American.

So back to the movie. Although it took me multiple tries to watch it, it all soaked in on the third go at it. It was very well made, very well put together, the action scenes (which took up about 98% of the film) were really pretty amazing. Whoever was put in charge of making sure the acting didn’t ruin the movie should have won an award, and I’m talking bigger than an Oscar. The method was really simple but so very effective. Number one- kill Michelle Rodriguez ASAP. Number two- DO NOT let Vin Diesel say more than one sentence per scene. This is true- I counted one time where he spoke two sentences in a row and it was very effective. The story developed just fine, again a lot better than I thought it would, and there weren’t all that many ridiculously laughable moments. Okay so there were about thirty that I could rattle off right now, like when VD elbows his own window out of his prized car instead of simply rolling it down; but I don’t want to recite the whole movie. One thing that still baffles me is P-Dubbs’ situation. He has been fully reinstated as a cop and rightfully so, because all he did was commit like twelve previous felonies in the LAPD’s face while he was on the job. If this was real life, this bunch would have given Christopher Dorner a promotion right after they found the bodies and read his manifesto. There was only one cringe-worthy scene had my face in my palm. VD and one of the attractive chicks from the bad guy’s crew had an exchange of sex/car euphemisms that did about 50 laps too many.  We get it; car body, lady body, headlight & boobs, tail pipe and dumper… On and on and on and on. By the end of their conversation they were both so confused I think they actually ended up dry humping a couple of Hondas.

To sum it all up- any movie; and I mean any movie has the potential to be great after a man is subjected to Tokyo Drift. Still; I think this was the best in the series so far and gave it a bad rap. I’m giving this 7 out of 10 Vin Diesel Heads and to be honest; I’m kind of looking forward to watching Fast 5 this afternoon.