2 Fast 2 Furious (AKA- Two Down, Why Do You Hate Me, God?)

A Review by Greg Merritt

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 36%

 

!Warning: spoiler alert for the first 20 minutes of this super evolved and complicated movie!

 

Vroooooom vrooooooooom vrooooooooooooooooooooom screeach! Errrrrrrhhhhhhhhcchhhhh; VROOOOOOM!!! Bright flashing neon lights! Shiny things! Turbo, Nitrous! More Vrooooooooooooooooooom vrooooom! Bets are made! Small talk and hilariously witty banter between street racers! Oh no, cops! Vroooooooooooooooooooom! The police Taser a car’s door to stop it from moving because that’s what happens; and Paul Walker is in jail. Movie over? Far from it my friends.

Well, at least people that didn't see the first one aren't completely lost at this point.

 

Overall this movie was slightly, pleasantly surprisingly, somewhat not as terribly horrible as I anticipated. Not as well put together as the first one but somehow entertaining after you either huff bags of paint fumes or choke yourself with a belt (I did both). There is absolutely no room for thinking in this movie. You have to surrender any intelligence you have and just accept the fact that your head has just turned into the casing for a retarded sea slug for the next hour and forty five minutes.

You're introduced to new characters in this flick right from the start and about 9/10ths of the way through, you realize one character might be missing (maybe; not quite sure- was that big dumb mongoloid in this earlier? Just can't recall). Our first new character is the rapper formerly known as Ludicris (now he's referred to as "No I don’t have any change, get the f--- out of my face!"). He serves absolutely no purpose in this movie, but neither did the writers so I guess it's a wash. I’ll give him credit where it’s due though; he’s not all that bad at acting. Paul Walker on the other hand… He’s back to reprise his role as the terrible acting dumb guy that the police just can’t get enough of, because he’s just that damn good. Similar to the first film, the idea that the cops wouldn’t just beat the absolute hell out of him and toss him in the hole is mind blowing. Instead they once again enlist his help to bring down a Miami … Gangster? Drug dealer? Gun runner? Seriously; I have no idea if they even ever said what the guy did to be the bad guy. He was just your typical 80’s/90’s movie “Bad Guy.” I’ll give him a little credit too though- he went all Game of Thrones on Bobby from Sons of Anarchy with the old rat in the hot bucket trick. Anyway, this script has lazy written all over it, like they were forcing a sequel as fast as they could (much like this review). Right after they picked up overacting superstar Tyrese to join the bumbling Paul Dubbs to go undercover, the movie literally turned into Miami Vice reruns. This was instantly forgettable, which I guess I should be thankful for.

Still, I’d rate it a little bit higher than Rotten Tomatoes. I’m going with 4 out of 10 Vin Diesel Heads tonight. So what’s next? Let’s see…  Fast and the Furious Tokyo Drift- Oh God, no...